OT: My Mom is losing her memory and I need advice

Hello family,

Needing advice for a tough subject. My Mom's memory is starting to leave and my Dad doesn't know what exactly to do. She has been in and out of the hospital for various things (hip replacement then rehab, then fell and broke her leg right below the knee and more rehab along with fighting infections).

My Dad has been mentioning her memory is going. I live in Atlanta (they are in Northeast Mississippi) so I am not around her enough to recognize how bad it has gotten. I have noticed little things that seem off but just chalked it up to being in the hospital and getting old.

My Dad thinks that the government will basically take everything from him if he has to put her in a facility to take care of her. I have no clue about any of this and am just now starting to research. I figure that I will eventually have to get a lawyer involved but wanted any advice that anyone can give.

Thanks for any help.

Sorry about your mom. Prayers for your family.

Why would the government take their property if he puts her in a long term care facility?

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Originally Posted by beerfarley

Why would the government take their property if he puts her in a long term care facility?

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Because a lot of times insurance won't pay for that until all means to pay for it yourself are gone. That means life savings, your house you can sale, etc. It's bullshit what they can make you do. Basically have to be flat broke before Medicare kicks in. At least it used to be that way. It's why my mom put a lot of property in my name so if she ever had to do that they couldn't take it.

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Originally Posted by starkvegasdawg

Because a lot of times insurance won't pay for that until all means to pay for it yourself are gone. That means life savings, your house you can sale, etc. It's bullshit what they can make you do. Basically have to be flat broke before Medicare kicks in. At least it used to be that way. It's why my mom put a lot of property in my name so if she ever had to do that they couldn't take it.

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I believe you're referring to Medicaid, not Medicare.

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Originally Posted by starkvegasdawg

Because a lot of times insurance won't pay for that until all means to pay for it yourself are gone. That means life savings, your house you can sale, etc. It's bullshit what they can make you do. Basically have to be flat broke before Medicare kicks in. At least it used to be that way. It's why my mom put a lot of property in my name so if she ever had to do that they couldn't take it.

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I think you have to have property transferred out of your name 7 years before you apply for Medicaid. Medicare wouldn?t pay for any long term care for my dad, so we had to do a ?swing bed? setup. He passed away before we were going to have to sell his house and land to pay for long term care.

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Originally Posted by starkvegasdawg

Because a lot of times insurance won't pay for that until all means to pay for it yourself are gone. That means life savings, your house you can sale, etc. It's bullshit what they can make you do. Basically have to be flat broke before Medicare kicks in. At least it used to be that way. It's why my mom put a lot of property in my name so if she ever had to do that they couldn't take it.

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It's wise that she did that. It also has to be out of her name for a certain period of time. Seems like it's around two years but don't hold me to that. Tbone I would consult an attorney immediately to see what your options are. Seems like the government swoops in when people are the most vulnerable. Prayers for your mother and I hope everything turns out for the best.

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Originally Posted by beerfarley

Why would the government take their property if he puts her in a long term care facility?

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Because this is America and you can do everything right your whole life but if you get sick and have medical bills you are absolutely ****ed. We're a 3rd world country with how we treat healthcare. If the government would get its head out of corporate donors crotch's then we'd actually be able to have real discourse in this country. But as it stands you gotta have a job to not get ****ed on health insurance and even that's not enough. Source: My father who worked two jobs had the family bankrupt within 2 years when he got sick. Lots wasn't covered due to pre existing conditions that stemmed from a childhood illness. Life insurance was shit too.

Medical industry sucks. I'd almost suggest getting divorced and having her sign away all property to him. (It just matters to government and insurance anyways. **** it.) Have a lawyer draw it up. And when she goes, don't accept any of the debt. They'll try to trick you (both husband and son) into it. Don't do it.

I had no idea that it worked that way. That is insane they can just take all of your property like that.

I have BCBS insurance and besides the prescription benefits, it sucks. Almost a $2000 deductible before it pays anything. I despise having to pay for insurance.

Move everything she's got out of her name. That's what my dad did. He gave everything to all of us before he got to bad to do anything. All they get is their government check at that point. But nice facilities cost a fortune. So be prepared to pay for a nice place.

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Originally Posted by Cooterpoot

Move everything she's got out of her name. That's what my dad did. He gave everything to all of us before he got to bad to do anything. All they get is their government check at that point.

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This is the only way to do it, otherwise they'll take it all. Went through it with my father in law and mother in law.

And I'll say, let her stay home as long as possible. No nursing home will ever be good enough for her or you. Moved my dad a couple times. Most affordable places are deplorable. I support people being able to end their lives after watching it all develop. The way our older people are treated is beyond comprehension.

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Originally Posted by Cooterpoot

And I'll say, let her stay home as long as possible. No nursing home will ever be good enough for her or you. Moved my dad a couple times. Most affordable places are deplorable. I support people being able to end their lives after watching it all develop. The way our older people are treated is beyond comprehension.

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Amen to that!

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Originally Posted by Cooterpoot

And I'll say, let her stay home as long as possible. No nursing home will ever be good enough for her or you. Moved my dad a couple times. Most affordable places are deplorable. I support people being able to end their lives after watching it all develop. The way our older people are treated is beyond comprehension.

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As long as you can/ I went through Aunts and Uncles with Demintia and Alzheimers. Keep them in a familiar place as long as possible.

I went through Alzheimer's with my dad and dementia with my mom. On Christmas day a few weeks ago my wife's father died while we were with him...i couldn't revive him he had a massive heart attack. Now my mother-in-law lives with us and i am in hell and she is the devil. she is mean with dementia / Memory loss. Get everything out of their name and i mean tomorrow. Do quick sell on everything put it in your name. You have to make them look poverty level on the surface. go to an estate lawyer and get everything set up. make sure you get your dad to sign everything over to you as power of attorney. I can't express how quickly you need to get this done. I feel for you brother.... been there doing that again!

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Originally Posted by Tbonewannabe

Hello family,

Needing advice for a tough subject. My Mom's memory is starting to leave and my Dad doesn't know what exactly to do. She has been in and out of the hospital for various things (hip replacement then rehab, then fell and broke her leg right below the knee and more rehab along with fighting infections).

My Dad has been mentioning her memory is going. I live in Atlanta (they are in Northeast Mississippi) so I am not around her enough to recognize how bad it has gotten. I have noticed little things that seem off but just chalked it up to being in the hospital and getting old.

My Dad thinks that the government will basically take everything from him if he has to put her in a facility to take care of her. I have no clue about any of this and am just now starting to research. I figure that I will eventually have to get a lawyer involved but wanted any advice that anyone can give.

Thanks for any help.

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He's going to have to pay for it until she runs out of assets before she goes on Medicaid. Sucks but is what it is.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Cooterpoot

Move everything she's got out of her name. That's what my dad did. He gave everything to all of us before he got to bad to do anything. All they get is their government check at that point. But nice facilities cost a fortune. So be prepared to pay for a nice place.

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It might work. But they are going to go back at least 3 years. Supposed to be 5 but they stopped at 3 w my grandmother. But this advice is certainly correct. Can't hurt. Night not work but can't hurt.

Currently going thru something similar with my parents! It?s a hard thing to do but I recommend everyone doing some estate planning and getting a will and living trust set up in your early to mid 60?s! DO NOT wait until it?s too late! Yes, it?s hard to accept that if you live long enough that everything you?ve ever worked for is no longer yours but it?s better than Uncle Sam getting it! We set up a trust for my folks a few years back but it?s not legally transferred til 7 years has past! Oh yeah, don?t try hiding it in a safety deposit box at any bank they do business with! Get a safety box in your name and put it in there! I?m no expert but I can tell you the options are limited and the guv has closed most loop holes! Money is tough to hide!

Look into a Living Trust. There are ways to set it up to avoid the problems you're facing. My Mom has Alzheimers complicated by Parkinsons and this is the way my Dad has set things up for when she needs institutionalized care. It also has the advantage of avoiding Probate when they die as the only change to the trust will be me becoming the Trustee.

I’ve been and am going through this. I’ll respond in the morning.