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View Full Version : My pitch for hiring me to be our Offensive Coordinator



Tater
11-05-2023, 06:20 PM
What I need to be successful:
- About 1 million in NIL for 25 total players. I plan on spending about $40k extra average on these 25.
- A modest 200k a year. I can live like a king in Starkville on that.
- Free reign on playcalling and recruiting. Including 4th down decisions.
- About 3 scouts. One with Japanese ties.
- One position coach: Someone who can teach the center / QB exchange well to all 25 of my players.
- 2 S&C guys who can help train legs to be strong af and not give out over a season and get ridiculous bench presses.

My philosophy:
- I'm out to find the biggest maulers, the best pushers, the beefiest mfs possible. I want guys who can squat 600-700 lbs minimum. I want 350 lbs or more. I'll scout exclusive for size and strength at pushing. We're going downhill all game. This includes looking for sumo wrestlers.
- If you haven't guessed by now, we're running the tush push all game. Yes. All game. And we're going to get 3+ yards and a cloud of dust every play. You telling me you're stopping 3500+ lbs pushing in unison? You think preparing for the triple option is tough? Think about a bunch of guys who have been practicing nothing but pushing as their offense all offseason. You will not stop me. Every play.

Benefits:
- For a very minimal budget, you're going to get a TD everytime until Bama gets this play banned. But don't worry I have wrinkles that include not directly pushing the ball carrier. (7 down lineman in tight. QB under center. Two guys angled at 45 degrees between tackle and TE a step back. One guy playing watch and yelling if anyone loops from behind and stopping them. explicitly not pushing QB when we eventually have to get adjusted)
- This opens up the perfect style for any defensive minded head coach. 60 scholarships. A large chunk of NIL. All position coaches except one. They will have the most resources you could ask for. And I'm never going anywhere. Living like a king in Starkville and winning National Championships is good enough for me. So any DC who loves having a rested defense and short, low play count plays will be chomping at the bit to be our HC. They can have the HC glory I just want to win.
- Guys will rotate every position. No ego as we're all able to run the ball and push for 3+ yards a play. We'll practice by pushing against the other 11 so we're trained against the strongest we could possibly face.
- Two hands on the ball as we're not fumbling once.

Drawbacks:
- Fan experience would be lower for those who want "sexy offenses." Iowa shows that this doesn't matter because fans enjoy winning. They'll be full for beating Bama and LSU and OU and Texsa and Georgia.
- Scout team offense will probably be walk on / defenders because I'm not worrying about practicing with first team D. You got 60 scholarships. Figure it out.
- Special teams is for defense too. Figure it out.


Hire me today. I'll have us 15-0 and rules changed next year. Might as well blow it up and do this on offense.

BankerDog
11-05-2023, 06:25 PM
Well the average starter in NCAA football is making $103K in NIL money. We just need our top 7 NFL alum to give $275K and back fill that in. We really need divisions of NIL: football department, basketball department, and baseball department.

Tater
11-05-2023, 06:30 PM
Well the average starter in NCAA football is making $103K in NIL money. We just need our top 7 NFL alum to give $275K and back fill that in. We really need divisions of NIL: football department, basketball department, and baseball department.

No we just need our biggest alums (NFL players ain't them) to give money. I'm talking the ones who keep getting buildings named after them.

Coursesuper
11-05-2023, 06:35 PM
You have obviously not seen the housing market here recently.

Tater
11-05-2023, 06:37 PM
You have obviously not seen the housing market here recently.

Oop I left off that I wanted a loft in left field for permanent residence. I'm good with living there. After I beat bama I won't need to pay for a meal in town.

Coursesuper
11-05-2023, 06:45 PM
Oop I left off that I wanted a loft in left field for permanent residence. I'm good with living there. After I beat bama I won't need to pay for a meal in town.
We can throw you up in faculty housing.

Goldendawg
11-05-2023, 06:58 PM
We can throw you up in faculty housing.

And throw in East Side Faculty tickets that you can resale to supplement that $200K salary.****

Tater
11-05-2023, 07:45 PM
And throw in East Side Faculty tickets that you can resale to supplement that $200K salary.****

My master plan after 10 straight national titles is to become the AD and fix all of the gameday atmosphere shit we have to deal with.

EdwardDrayton
11-05-2023, 08:50 PM
Finally. Some content worth paying for. LOL!!

Maverick91
11-06-2023, 02:37 PM
So basically you want to run the veer with a bunch of beef blocking?

Tater
11-06-2023, 02:56 PM
So basically you want to run the veer with a bunch of beef blocking?

Not even that complicated. I'm running a 4000 lb wrecking ball. I'm gonna get 3+ yards every play. QB Sneak every single play. How would you even begin to think of stopping a team that offensively practiced only that?

Maverick91
11-06-2023, 03:34 PM
Not even that complicated. I'm running a 4000 lb wrecking ball. I'm gonna get 3+ yards every play. QB Sneak every single play. How would you even begin to think of stopping a team that offensively practiced only that?

Lol I’ll get behind it if you have the QB autonomy to make a check throw art the LOS.

Also are we talking Jared Lorenzen QB?

Tater
11-06-2023, 03:38 PM
Lol I’ll get behind it if you have the QB autonomy to make a check throw art the LOS.

Also are we talking Jared Lorenzen QB?

Every player on my offense is 350+ lbs. Squat 600 lbs minimum (the real key to Hurts's success). Guys who can push and drive. And we're gonna form a ****ing wall and drive the whole way.

Maverick91
11-06-2023, 07:21 PM
Every player on my offense is 350+ lbs. Squat 600 lbs minimum (the real key to Hurts's success). Guys who can push and drive. And we're gonna form a ****ing wall and drive the whole way.

Ight I’m in… but we gotta do the thing that they did in the movie “Little Giants” where they came out with foam coming out of their mouths.

Edit: theory it would give us an edge once the team figured out how to get it done because the defense would not have the dline to keep up with it all game long.

Tater
11-06-2023, 07:31 PM
Ight I’m in… but we gotta do the thing that they did in the movie “Little Giants” where they came out with foam coming out of their mouths.

Edit: theory it would give us an edge once the team figured out how to get it done because the defense would not have the dline to keep up with it all game long.

No team would recruit the guys needed to stop it specifically to try to stop it. And even then, we practice only it on offense, so we're way better at pushing. I really don't see how you stop it. Especially if you get into the sumo market. Those guys live to just push.