Tater
08-08-2023, 11:14 PM
As I sit here slamming my 8th margarita for Taco Tuesday while waiting on my long-term long-distance low-commitment casual girlfriend to finish cleaning up her bartending station so we can go home and I can drunkenly pass out during foreplay because I need sleep if I want to make it to my 9 AM division meeting and keep my cushy windowed-office job and afford my payments on my Dodge Stratus, divine inspiration has struck. There's so much negativity on this board that I feel like injecting an annoying amount of positivity. I'm talking Mr. PeanutButter from Bojack Horseman levels of toxic positivity. Anyways, Here's wonderwall:
Mississippi State will win ever football game this year and here's why.
- 4 Year Starting QB Will Rogers arm looks healthier than ever and actually strengthened. We all saw the Zavion Thomas bomb TD in the spring game. The gunslinger is gonna throw the ball over the yard. Why?
- Kevin Barbay recognizes he has talent. And he recognizes you coach to talent. You don't fit a square peg in a round hole. We're gonna run to open the pass with a stable of 4 running backs + that are worthy of toting the rock for MSU right now. We're gonna still throw Air Raid concepts. We're gonna be a well oiled machine because we know the core concepts and we're tweaking the previous offense in all the ways people wanted to see Mike Leach's Air Raid "evolve".
- Our offensive line is as experienced as its ever been and we've got some dudes. If you think having an OL full of 22, 23, 24 year olds don't matter then you're an idiot full stop.
- Our WR room is still as talented as ever. RaRa will be missed but we have the dudes to replace his production. There's no shortage of competition and the plays we've seen show that we're not afraid to get creative to get our playmakers the ball in space any means necessary. Seeing Mullen's Harvin jet sweep and Leach's 4 Verts in the same Spring Game did bring a smile to my face.
- Specialist wise we have the best KR/PR duo in the country. Tulu has always comp'd (with pads on) to Cordarrelle Patterson. Zavion has some work to do, but he has the talent potential to be a Devin Hester. People will be scared to kick to us.
- But they'll have to kick to us. Because our defense is going to be nasty. Arnett is a 3-3-5 truther. Even he recognizes that State is DLU. (Side Note **** ESPN and **** David Hale. Name any college whose D-Line that you would take their NFL players over ours, not even in the top 10? Eat shit) Acknowledging that we'll run some 4-2-5 because the guys are just there to do it says a lot.
- Especially considering Mookie and Jett are back. Lewis is gonna be a stud. Page is fast. Our whole freaking defense is fast. We look as fast as 2018. And that defense was a mediocre offense away from 11-1 and playoff berth.
- The secondary is the only question. Marcus Banks looks more natural and comfortable at safety. Preston had some plays last year and I'm comfortable with how he's performed. Decam is the next installment of MSU CB who gets not enough love during the season only to blow up in the combine and be a second round pick (maybe first if Smoot gets in every team's ear). Furdge / DeCarlos / Raydar / Rogers. Iron sharpens iron and we'll have a stud on the other side. Morant / Ellington are the big ?. I like our chances and our coach will scheme the defense to cover any weakness.
- **** Kicker and Punter. We're scoring a TD every drive. (All love to Swede)
Now for the meat and potatoes of the post:
- Week 1 SELA - I'm saving space here. Win.
- Week 2 Arizona - They gave us a bit of a spook. We take care of bidness at home this year. They're still a year away. They'll be a great test and tuneup for week 3.
- Week 3 LSU - 11 AM. We were pushing their shit in until we just forgot how to football the last 20 minutes. LSU is still sniffing their own farts and after some air condition helmet malfunction, the heat will get to them while the South Farm boys pound them. It's close until the dogs run away in the second half. Notice served.
- Week 4 @ Cockadoodle doo - right in between getting stomped by Georgia and then having to go to Tennessee, SCar hosts the dogs. Spencer Rattled shows up as State's defense pressures him all day. They have more question marks in the secondary than we do and a meh front 7. Will's heisman campaign arrives after a 6 TD performance in this route. Cowboys survived the Dust Bowl, a small Sandstorm ain't shit.
- Week 5 Satan - we get him at home. This ends 100+ consecutive years or whatever it is of torture. Right after being mentally drained by Joey Freshwater's scheduled Super Bowl loss by a TD, and right before looking ahead to Jimbo, Satan has to come 90 miles west. The cowbells will be loud. The cowbells will be proud. Bama still won't have the QB figured out and their close calls come to an end with their first loss of the year. Satan loses to the SEC CotY yet again.
- Week 6 Western Michigan - one of the worst G5 teams. This game will be an ugly first half but State wins by 30+. Then a much needed bye. Emotionally perfect for us.
Week 8 Pig - Poor Pig plays LSU, Aggy, @ Baby Shark, @ Angry Bama, then us. We get the decapitated remains after watching Satan take his vengeance out on Aggy, Pig, then Tennessee as blood is required for his Halloween celebration as he's going 11-1 and getting a free pass to the playoffs. Pitt Boss will be able to apply to Dooey's. I heard they're looking for some cooks.
Week 9 Freezus - The reverend is back at an SECW school that can't decide what their mascot is. He gets his old school the week before us. After that emotional win Auburn won't be up again and is still a year away from competing for the West. Dogs by 90.
Week 10 The fifth set of cats - Home team wins this. They lost a QB that covered a lot and brought in a guy we embarrassed in 2021. He'll throw even less TDs this time. In between Tennessee and Bama for them as well. Lovely schedule.
Week 11 Veteran's Day 11/11 - Thank you for your service fake military school. Is it October or later? If so Aggy collapse is in full effect. After their 5-0 hype train start dies to a 50 point drubbing from Angry Satan, Petrino's gimmicks are found out and Aggy is floundering. We just gotta hope Jimbo ain't fired by then and they get the dead cat bounce.
Week 12 Mustard Buzzards - Bitch please.
Week 13 Egg Bowl - Arnett owned Freshwater last year. The portal boys are clinging for dear life. We've got a ground game. We're built to kick their ass. 2018 vibes coming. My money is on Mookie getting ejected for breaking whatever QB they run out there.
12-0 is right there. Hail State.
Mississippi State will win ever football game this year and here's why.
- 4 Year Starting QB Will Rogers arm looks healthier than ever and actually strengthened. We all saw the Zavion Thomas bomb TD in the spring game. The gunslinger is gonna throw the ball over the yard. Why?
- Kevin Barbay recognizes he has talent. And he recognizes you coach to talent. You don't fit a square peg in a round hole. We're gonna run to open the pass with a stable of 4 running backs + that are worthy of toting the rock for MSU right now. We're gonna still throw Air Raid concepts. We're gonna be a well oiled machine because we know the core concepts and we're tweaking the previous offense in all the ways people wanted to see Mike Leach's Air Raid "evolve".
- Our offensive line is as experienced as its ever been and we've got some dudes. If you think having an OL full of 22, 23, 24 year olds don't matter then you're an idiot full stop.
- Our WR room is still as talented as ever. RaRa will be missed but we have the dudes to replace his production. There's no shortage of competition and the plays we've seen show that we're not afraid to get creative to get our playmakers the ball in space any means necessary. Seeing Mullen's Harvin jet sweep and Leach's 4 Verts in the same Spring Game did bring a smile to my face.
- Specialist wise we have the best KR/PR duo in the country. Tulu has always comp'd (with pads on) to Cordarrelle Patterson. Zavion has some work to do, but he has the talent potential to be a Devin Hester. People will be scared to kick to us.
- But they'll have to kick to us. Because our defense is going to be nasty. Arnett is a 3-3-5 truther. Even he recognizes that State is DLU. (Side Note **** ESPN and **** David Hale. Name any college whose D-Line that you would take their NFL players over ours, not even in the top 10? Eat shit) Acknowledging that we'll run some 4-2-5 because the guys are just there to do it says a lot.
- Especially considering Mookie and Jett are back. Lewis is gonna be a stud. Page is fast. Our whole freaking defense is fast. We look as fast as 2018. And that defense was a mediocre offense away from 11-1 and playoff berth.
- The secondary is the only question. Marcus Banks looks more natural and comfortable at safety. Preston had some plays last year and I'm comfortable with how he's performed. Decam is the next installment of MSU CB who gets not enough love during the season only to blow up in the combine and be a second round pick (maybe first if Smoot gets in every team's ear). Furdge / DeCarlos / Raydar / Rogers. Iron sharpens iron and we'll have a stud on the other side. Morant / Ellington are the big ?. I like our chances and our coach will scheme the defense to cover any weakness.
- **** Kicker and Punter. We're scoring a TD every drive. (All love to Swede)
Now for the meat and potatoes of the post:
- Week 1 SELA - I'm saving space here. Win.
- Week 2 Arizona - They gave us a bit of a spook. We take care of bidness at home this year. They're still a year away. They'll be a great test and tuneup for week 3.
- Week 3 LSU - 11 AM. We were pushing their shit in until we just forgot how to football the last 20 minutes. LSU is still sniffing their own farts and after some air condition helmet malfunction, the heat will get to them while the South Farm boys pound them. It's close until the dogs run away in the second half. Notice served.
- Week 4 @ Cockadoodle doo - right in between getting stomped by Georgia and then having to go to Tennessee, SCar hosts the dogs. Spencer Rattled shows up as State's defense pressures him all day. They have more question marks in the secondary than we do and a meh front 7. Will's heisman campaign arrives after a 6 TD performance in this route. Cowboys survived the Dust Bowl, a small Sandstorm ain't shit.
- Week 5 Satan - we get him at home. This ends 100+ consecutive years or whatever it is of torture. Right after being mentally drained by Joey Freshwater's scheduled Super Bowl loss by a TD, and right before looking ahead to Jimbo, Satan has to come 90 miles west. The cowbells will be loud. The cowbells will be proud. Bama still won't have the QB figured out and their close calls come to an end with their first loss of the year. Satan loses to the SEC CotY yet again.
- Week 6 Western Michigan - one of the worst G5 teams. This game will be an ugly first half but State wins by 30+. Then a much needed bye. Emotionally perfect for us.
Week 8 Pig - Poor Pig plays LSU, Aggy, @ Baby Shark, @ Angry Bama, then us. We get the decapitated remains after watching Satan take his vengeance out on Aggy, Pig, then Tennessee as blood is required for his Halloween celebration as he's going 11-1 and getting a free pass to the playoffs. Pitt Boss will be able to apply to Dooey's. I heard they're looking for some cooks.
Week 9 Freezus - The reverend is back at an SECW school that can't decide what their mascot is. He gets his old school the week before us. After that emotional win Auburn won't be up again and is still a year away from competing for the West. Dogs by 90.
Week 10 The fifth set of cats - Home team wins this. They lost a QB that covered a lot and brought in a guy we embarrassed in 2021. He'll throw even less TDs this time. In between Tennessee and Bama for them as well. Lovely schedule.
Week 11 Veteran's Day 11/11 - Thank you for your service fake military school. Is it October or later? If so Aggy collapse is in full effect. After their 5-0 hype train start dies to a 50 point drubbing from Angry Satan, Petrino's gimmicks are found out and Aggy is floundering. We just gotta hope Jimbo ain't fired by then and they get the dead cat bounce.
Week 12 Mustard Buzzards - Bitch please.
Week 13 Egg Bowl - Arnett owned Freshwater last year. The portal boys are clinging for dear life. We've got a ground game. We're built to kick their ass. 2018 vibes coming. My money is on Mookie getting ejected for breaking whatever QB they run out there.
12-0 is right there. Hail State.