“They tricked our leader, our head coach, into calling escort services. Had him fired. Removed from our locker room. They made a clothing store give merchandise to recruits only to set them up and tu n him in. They made us pay 5-Star kids to come to school here and turned us in. They masterminded 21 violations against us. Mullen, Leo, Kobe, and one of our players step daddies... they did this to you. They made Kimchee just out of a window. And made Tunsil day “I’d have to say yeah.” They made Pat Forde hate us. Dan Wolken hate us. Steve Rosebowl Dreadlocks Robertson hate us. They did this by tricking our beloved preacher, and a man of faith, and our athletic director into calling media outlets and lying to them about the ongoing ncaa investigation that wasn’t even real. It’s not real. We’re not under investigation. They are. They did this stuff. The media is wrong. Elitedawgs wears tin foil hats. They’re wrong. We’re the cleanest bible thumping team in the nation and holier than thou. Praise Jesus. He’s on our side. THE SOUTH WILL RISE AGAIN. Hotty Toddy. Who’s with me?”

Shea: “Coach, I’m going to the Big House. If you could speed this up that would be great.”

AJ: “Yeah, I’m trying to catch a ride to the Iron Bowl after the game fellas.”

Austin Gholson, via twitter periscope: “I can get you there man.”

Ross Bjork enters on a tricycle: “If someone could find a way to get hit with a Cowbell that would be great.”

Yancy: “Did someone say something about a Cowbell?”

Neal: “I’m just here to cover the game because I’m not a fan. Hotty toddy though.”

Freeze walks in: “Matt, shut up. You’re gonna be fired tomorrow. Who’s with me? Who’s with me?”

Black Bear: “I’m with you coach”