OT: Dealing with Loss

Yesterday we found out that my wife had lost her first cousin to a motorcycle accident. 26 years old with a 1 year old. My wife's family is huge and is very tight nit so they are taking this very hard. They are grieving heavily and everyone is posting pics and memories on FB. They are crushed. Reason I'm posting that here is because it's hit me in the gut too. My last convo with him was at a big family party recently where me and him were off to the side just hanging out by the water. Without going in to great detail, it was the most personal convo I've ever had with the guy. We talked about family in the senses that we were, kids, jobs, future, etc.. I had grown fond of him over the time I've been with my wife. I don't feel like I lost a distant, by-marriage cousin. I feel like I lost my cousin way too early. Me having my first kid on the way and imagining his son not having a dad has been tough. I'm not posting anything on any social media about it because I don't want to take any attention off the immediate family. They're crushed and they need all the attention, thoughts, and prayers. I also feel like the best thing to do is put on a strong front for my wife and be supportive of her in a time of need. I also didn't feel like the main board was appropriate for this either; too many eyes. I've appreciated the guys on this forum so I felt like this is the right place to put it. I'm not asking for prayers or attention, I just want to remind everyone to cherish the time you have with your family and friends around you. Nothing is promised and every day is a blessing. Thanks for hearing me out.

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Originally Posted by BeastMan

Yesterday we found out that my wife had lost her first cousin to a motorcycle accident. 26 years old with a 1 year old. My wife's family is huge and is very tight nit so they are taking this very hard. They are grieving heavily and everyone is posting pics and memories on FB. They are crushed. Reason I'm posting that here is because it's hit me in the gut too. My last convo with him was at a big family party recently where me and him were off to the side just hanging out by the water. Without going in to great detail, it was the most personal convo I've ever had with the guy. We talked about family in the senses that we were, kids, jobs, future, etc.. I had grown fond of him over the time I've been with my wife. I don't feel like I lost a distant, by-marriage cousin. I feel like I lost my cousin way too early. Me having my first kid on the way and imagining his son not having a dad has been tough. I'm not posting anything on any social media about it because I don't want to take any attention off the immediate family. They're crushed and they need all the attention, thoughts, and prayers. I also feel like the best thing to do is put on a strong front for my wife and be supportive of her in a time of need. I also didn't feel like the main board was appropriate for this either; too many eyes. I've appreciated the guys on this forum so I felt like this is the right place to put it. I'm not asking for prayers or attention, I just want to remind everyone to cherish the time you have with your family and friends around you. Nothing is promised and every day is a blessing. Thanks for hearing me out.

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Hate to hear that and am crushed for his wife and kid. Hope y'all are geographically close too so that there will be lots of people to help. When your kid gets here, the magnitude of these type things will probably hit you even harder. Frames everything differently, at least for me, when you think about it from a parent/child perspective. It's pretty tough to think about a one year old looking around the house wondering where his dad is. I've seen my child do that for a recently deceased relative and it was tough, but at least it wasn't a parent.

Blessings for you and your family.

I'll say a prayer for you guys

As someone facing my own imminent mortality, I've spent a lot of time recently thinking about these sorts of things a lot lately and there isn't much anything anyone can say, but you and your family will be in my thoughts.

Beast - I'm sorry for your loss. Loss of any friend or loved one is difficult, but I will never adjust to the impact of losing kids and young adults. It just seems so wrong that someone never has the chance to experience the life ahead of them. It is doubly so when they have young kids. Now that I am in my mid 40s, and I have my kids starting to head out to the great unknown outside the cocoon of our home (which will thankfully be Starkville), it has even more of an impact because I realize how lucky I am to have been given the gift of 18 years with them. Losses like that resonate for a long time.

godlluB - great to see you are still fighting the good fight. We are all rooting for you.

Great to see you around godllub. You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. Love the sailfish you gave Hobie's on Main. I plan on having a beer under it next time I'm up.

Thanks for all the kind words. I spent yesterday evening at my in-laws house and there was a steady stream of visitors.

Beast, really sorry to hear about that. I hate to think about the young wife and son losing him, as well as the rest of y'all. I'll be praying for y'all, bud.

BeastMan, I'm truly sorry for your family's tragic loss. I know you didn't ask for prayers but they are going up anyway. Y'all take care and hang in there.

I have had to write several letters to families who's loved one was not coming home. This is hard, but take five minutes and write his son a letter describing how great his father was and the relevant points of your conversation with him about values, family, etc. Seal it for a time when the young man will need it, and make sure someone knows where it is.

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Originally Posted by SapperDawg

I have had to write several letters to families who's loved one was not coming home. This is hard, but take five minutes and write his son a letter describing how great his father was and the relevant points of your conversation with him about values, family, etc. Seal it for a time when the young man will need it, and make sure someone knows where it is.

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This is some of the best advice I've ever been given. Great idea.